On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing up four boxes of tree ornaments, each claiming their share. Kit, now living independently, was eager to decorate her own Christmas tree. Unpacking the ornaments, however, brought forth decades of memories filled with loss and sorrow for children absent during the holidays.
Over eight years, our family fluctuated with the presence of 23 foster children. While many placements were temporary, our two children eventually became part of our family through adoption. I was amazed to discover that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even those crafted by individuals she had never met. It was startling to realize that her recollections of past holidays differed from mine.
As I uncovered a tree topper from a box, memories of our first Christmas together as newlyweds flooded back. The iridescent angel, held together by Krazy Glue due to a crack between its wings and body, symbolized the fragility of our marriage that eventually fell apart. Passing the angel to Kit, I hesitated, unsure if she would want it in its delicate state. To my delight, she gladly accepted it, her eyes sparkling beneath a festive reindeer hat.
Recalling how Kit always wanted to be the one to place the angel atop the tree, we shared a moment of laughter at how she had finally grown tall enough to reach that height. With her excitement, the decision was made – the angel now belonged to Kit.
Opening another tin, I came across a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament. Crafted by an eight-year-old boy who had been part of our foster care journey, the ornament was a poignant reminder of the social worker’s unsuccessful attempt to make him a permanent ward after spending five years in our home. Despite the separation that followed, we hoped he knew how cherished he was in our hearts.
Sensing my somber mood, Kit took the Santa decoration from my hands, reminiscing about how I always placed it within her reach at the bottom of the tree for play. She admired the flames crafted from red pipe cleaners, reminiscent of a scene from a favorite movie.
In our efforts to make the Christmas season inclusive for the foster children in our care, our family adjusted holiday traditions to accommodate their needs. By holding our Christmas dinner on alternate days, we ensured they could spend time with their families without missing out on festivities in our home. A tradition of gifting unique ornaments to each child allowed them to personalize their holiday experience, creating lasting memories even after leaving our care.
Uncovering a reindeer ornament made of pompoms, ribbon, googly eyes, and pipe cleaner antlers, memories flooded back of my son’s nickname for the quirky pair. Reflecting on past divisions of ornaments during a previous separation, I realized how these decorations had transcended time and space to remain symbols of unity and love.
As Kit held the Rudolph ornament, she shared her appreciation for the constancy it provided, regardless of where she spent Christmas. Her words resonated deeply, revealing lessons learned from our past experiences that had shaped her outlook on family and traditions.
This year, decorating the tree will hold new significance for me, as I witness my daughter infuse her joyous spirit into our holiday traditions, overshadowing any lingering sorrow attached to the ornaments. Anticipation builds as I look forward to seeing her unique tree come to life.